A Farcical Dalliance with Hedonism and Abnegation

"A Day in the Life" by The Beatles. It has many different changes and I love the feelings it invokes. Not always happy feelings, but I love it. <3

Hello everyone! I'm alive yay! Also I'm kinda living the kinky dream that I kept alluding to... heh heh I have some great play partners and I want more than that too, but all in good time. I don't know what will happen. I'm also pretty much polyamorous, and consider myself as such. I mean I do have a sort of long-distance relationship right now, but there are logistical issues going on with that that I don't want to have to elaborate on right now. I also really like one of my play partners and he knows I adore him...and I know he really likes me too, but he's a take-it-slow type, but I am just damned happy to be seeing him... <3

Anyway I have some depression going on too as per usual, but I am trying to cope with it better everyday. It is hard because as many of you may know, I have other problems besides depression, among them generalized anxiety disorder. So I am trying my best for how I can feel when I'm depressed. I've recently taken up weight-lifting again, especially because I have found I am just more Dominant than submissive (sexually for sure, at least) and especially since I am more attracted to males than females, it is even better to be stronger. Also doesn't help that I'm tall too, so I'm just adding to that strong female thing I can have going on. ^_^ I wish I had been maintaining my muscle more these years too. You see I have lower back scoliosis that can really hurt my back. I've seen a physical therapist but am not currently. I could still do the exercises though, but I have been busy and I'd have to lie on the floor and crap. Maybe that's just my dominant side talking. LOL! Anyway all working out helps my back more even if it can make it hurt a little more in the short term, so I am going to be more active again. I used to be pretty active but I think I got less active once the back pain started. Also exercising can make people happier and I believe release more chemicals in the brain that can help relieve depression. So it is a win-win. Thinking about it makes me wanna go do it, but some weight-lifting I shouldn't do so tired without a spotter...though honestly I need heavier weights! Lol...

Anyhoo. I have made more of my posts friends-only or private, especially my depressed freak-out ones. haha Because well, I understand that can be annoying, especially if you see that more than the actual person behind the depression.

Sorry to everyone who maybe thought I was in trouble or dead or ignoring you. I wasn't! For a while there I was in a monogamous relationship that was a bit stifling, and I didn't communicate much with the outside world. It was unhealthy but now I am trying to be happy more and am driving more frequently, and working on relationships that matter a lot to me. :)

Hope all of my LJ-friends have been well. :)

~J.

You Scored as Chaotic Neutral A Chaotic Neutral person is someone who is self-motivated to the extreme. Their actions may sometimes confuse others, due to their lack of moral affiliation. They have little respect for laws, and avoid both the temptation of evil and a feeling of duty to do good. These people can go along with either side of an argument- as long as they benefit from the result! Chaotic Neutral 80% Lawful Evil 70% True Neutral 65% Chaotic Good 65% Neutral Evil 60% Chaotic Evil 55% Lawful Good 40% Neutral Good 30% Lawful Neutral 25%

From http://www.wizards.com/dnd/article2.asp?x=dnd/dx20001222x :

Your Character’s Alignment

Based on your answers to the quiz, your character’s most likely alignment is Chaotic Evil.

Chaotic Evil

A chaotic evil character does whatever his greed, hatred, and lust for destruction drive him to do. He is hot-tempered, vicious, arbitrarily violent, and unpredictable. If simply out for whatever he can get, he is ruthless and brutal. If he is committed to the spread of evil and chaos, he is even worse. Thankfully, his plans are haphazard, and any groups he joins or forms are poorly organized. Typically, chaotic evil people can only be made to work together by force, and their leader lasts only as long as he can thwart attempts to topple or assassinate him. The demented sorcerer pursuing mad schemes of vengeance and havoc is chaotic evil. Chaotic evil is sometimes called "demonic" because demons are the epitome of chaotic evil. Chaotic evil is the most dangerous alignment because it represents the destruction not only of beauty and life but of the order on which beauty and life depend.

--excerpted from the Player’s Handbook, Chapter 6

[Keep in mind the alignment suggested by the quiz is just that: a suggestion. It describes your character no better than a 36-question test would describe you. But it’s a good way to start thinking about how your character acts when confronted with issues of alignment.]"

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~J.

Last updated 52 weeks ago...which is exactly a year! I've been alive--taking classes and I'm currently trying to find a man-slave...which is hard to find a cute, young one. I feel like it might be easier to find a cute girl slave, but I don't like the vagina (I guess I don't really like any genitals except for a hard penis over 6 in, hehe), and I really don't like hurting girls. But lately I've just been wanting to dominate over anyone or anything because I never get to. But then I might go crazy and be too...you know, serial killer-y. On the other hand, if I never fulfill my sadistic urges to dominate, then they are probably just going to get worse and worse and more built up...therefore, that's probably more dangerous, I guess. It's quite frustrating. I like living with my mom up until I want to get my freak on, especially with a guy who is young and hot...you know, worth my time.

I don't want to elaborate on classes or a lot of boring IRL stuff. My head is my entertaining than you know, which is maybe why I'm such a goddamn hermit. I like it though. I'd much rather be alone, with my lovely interests and shows and stories than some idiots who want to watch sports or something I'd rather not. In fact I wish more parties I went to had some good Adult Swim on for ppl to watch and have a drinking game to than sitting around making "small talk" that evolves into arguing about comic books, which even as I'm doing I know is RETARDED!! I mean we like the same thing--Huzzah! Why the fuck do we have to argue about stuff every two seconds? I mean you can prefer L or Kira but sometimes we miss the point that we both like Death Note! This is a good thing. Sometimes it can be so hard to find ppl with similar interests. So rejoice. I guess that's why I avoid ppl too--even with same interests, there is still conflict or rejection. Can we not just hang? Or just agree with me? 'Cause I ain't agreeing with you...because I don't want to be wrong. lol I have a T-shirt that pretty much says that. Sums it up pretty well. Keith Olbermann, please just make a special comment wondering why the fuck there are so many stupid people, because I'm always having an angry rant in my head when "football" makes Saturday Night Live (the comedians on which usually turn out to be legends, which is more than I can say of a bunch of sweaty, over-sized steroid freaks who I couldn't care less about) 35 minutes late, and something similar happened today with the Simpsons, so I watched a special on hummingbirds instead (which was actually quite lovely and cute). Just...bah.

I know most of my journal entries for the past year just might have been rants like this, which I could rant about all day...and I don't have the time so (well, I do actually, but I'd rather spend it on a stoner movie) sorry if you wanted to hear me ranting. I could go on about Obama letting us down or how those full-body scanners taking pics of guys' dicks is sexual harrassment, and how repressing everyone makes the terrorists win more than you'll ever know, but I'll save that for later if you care to hear it. It's been so long I kinda forget how to do an lj-cut so I might do it later. Sorry for the clutter.

-Jen

Your result for The Stoner Test...

Addict

You are 71% Chonged!

Take The Stoner Test at HelloQuizzy

Your result for what Invader Zim character are you?...

You are Dib

53% GIRness, 60% Invaderability, 7% oldness, 93% paranoidness and 50% Gazitude!

You are a determined lad, and may be obsessive with what you want to prove. May be a tad nerdy or a logical thinker. And congrats, this is the second hardest result to get!

Take what Invader Zim character are you? at HelloQuizzy

I didn't try for this, I just answered the questions honestly. Oh crap now they know about me! <.< >_> Apparently I'm 93% paranoid according to this, which is pretty damn paranoid. It's about as paranoid as you can be. Yaaaay! Doom!

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I know this isn't a real update, might talk actual life one of these days.

<3 ~J.

I edited my profile and I feel good about it! Yay! Also gonna try a new pink hair dye before New Year's Eve hopefully! Woohoo! Got Nirvana stuck in my head. Gonna go put noodles on my back.

I want this to be the soundtrack of my life.

http://www.clipal.com/video/noodles_on_my_back_steven_wilson

I do love noodles. That part always kills me.

Well, howdy there folks. Howdy? What am I, Sarah Palin? *smacks self* Okay I'm all right now. My birthday was the 10th, and I got a the Sims 2 Bon Voyage Expansion Pack and a cotton candy maker. That's right--I wanted to make COTTON CANDY! So sue me! lol, why so defensive... Anyways, I like them a lot, the cotton candy is trippy when it's coming out, and it's very soft and spider-webby. So, did you all know about this? I'm probably the last to know, but there's this thing called Pandora Radio and it's just so AWESOME and it's free which you know if it weren't...that's not so awesome. http://pandora.com/ You can search for any artist or song you like and it'll generate music like it! And you can control it by giving thumbs-up or thumbs-down to songs you do or don't like, respectively. Also I noticed something cute about VLC media player this time of year: its usual little like, road-cone symbol is wearing a Santa hat. It's small anyways so I might not have noticed it by Christmas. Also I love that Bush almost got hit by shoes. Almost. Damn it. Oh well. But, in the meantime, as in a month that shall be behind us: http://www.sockandawe.com. It's a game where your goal is to hit still-Prez. Bush in the face! It's fun. Go do it if you're a heathen liberal like me who enjoys that sort of thing. Like the Green Arrow. Comic book jokes 4 teh winz. Oo, maybe I should get a cup of soy nog. Will do. Tootles!

<3 & Peace,
J.